Characters:
Creative One
Creative Two
Executive
A Leotard
Mead Chick
Angry Chimpanzee
Grendel
An Axe
A Bow
An Arrow
A Rabbit
An ArmSetting: A conference room
Creative 1: So yeah, at some point Grendel will come to the mead hall, but before that happens there’s this drinking contest.
Creative 2: You know, like, you’re playing as Beowulf and you have to out drink…Oh wait, we forgot to mention that you can play as different characters. You can be Beowulf or the Chief or Grendel.
Creative 1: Or the hot mead hall chick who serves the mead.
Executive: Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. Tell me more about this mead chick.
Creative 1: She’s got huge tits.
Creative 2: Huge tits and this like tight corset thing.
Creative 1: (aside) Maybe she should wear a leotard.
Leotard: I’d like to be worn. Worn like an old sweater on a rainy day. Worn like a broken heart on the cuff of an old sweater on a rainy day. Worn with big tits.
Executive: Did they have corsets then?
Creative 1: Doesn’t matter, dude, she’s got huge tits. And she screams shit like, “MEAD! MEAD! WHO NEEDS MORE MEAD?” And she coos if you spill booze on her tits. Maybe if you spill booze on her tits they should get bigger.
Creative 2: Yeah dude! (gives Creative 1 a high-five) I’ll write that down.
Mead Chick: TITS! MEAD! WHO NEEDS TITS!?
Executive: But what about the monster?
Creative 1: Well, we’re pretty sure he should be green but brown and scaly but oozing.
Creative 2: And he has fangs. Big fuck-off fangs. And muscles. He can rip arms off.
Executive: Can’t a chimpanzee rip off an arm if it gets angry enough? Can we make the monster look like a chimpanzee?
Angry Chimpanzee: (in sign language) I am deeply offended by that!
Creative 1: No dude. He has to be a monster.
Creative 2: With big fucking fangs. And his mom—Grendel’s mom—her fangs are even bigger.
Grendel: I’d like to have blue eyes.
Executive: Wait. The monster has a mother?
Grendel: I might have been adopted.
Creative 2: Yeah, dude. She’s even scarier that Grendel. She lives at the bottom of this great big swamplake. And she has all this cool shit in her lair. The lair is gonna be the last level. And you have to either kill Beowulf or fuckin’ cut off Grendel’s mom’s head depending on which character you are.
Creative 1: Should Grendel’s mom have tits?
Mead Chick: WOO! TITS AND MEAD!
Creative 1: Maybe we should have a level where you can fuck the mead chick. Like a hidden level.
Creative 2: Sweet dude! (gives Creative 1 a high-five) I’ll write that down.
Executive: Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. Good.
Creative 1: The game should have like little side adventures. You know like with the hot mead chick and stuff.
Mead Chick: OH STUFF ME! MEAD ME!
Creative 2: Maybe Beowulf could hunt rabbits. Like he could kill a bunch of rabbits and win a different battle weapon.
Creative 1: Oh totally, dude. We need different weapons. Like an axe and shit.
Creative 2: I’ll write that down.
Axe: I’m not really the proper weapon for hunting rabbits.
Bow: I’ll help!
Arrow: Me too!
Mead Chick: SHOOT IT!
Rabbit: (hiding under the table) Please don’t shoot me. I have blue eyes.
Creative 1: And if you’re Grendel then maybe you could have like arm-ripping practice.
Creative 2: You could rip someone’s arms off and then beat them with it.
Arm: (aside) If I am torn off do I not suffer? Oh, my suffering flesh. Oh, the blue-eyed monster of death. He deals swiftly.
Executive: I like it. Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. What’s next?
Creative 1: Eggs.